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Bite Me

February 29, 2004 - 9:43 p.m.

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Last Five Entries:
The Party's Over
July 11, 2004
The Next Day
My Nervous Breakdown
True Confessions: My Life as a Female Impersonator
March 15, 2004
Bite Me
February 29, 2004



And this is how a string of three dates ended. By the way, to find the last time I dated the same person on three different occasions was about March of 2000.

The first date consisted of merely talking a coffee shop for an hour or so. The second date consisted of going to a play at the local theatre. Both were initated by me, so after the second date I decided to wait to see if she would initiate a date on her own. And, wonder of wonders, she did.

For the third date, she invited me to her house, where she would make dinner for me, and there was a vague suggestion that we would also watch a movie. However, the movie watching would be contingent on the behavoir of her dog. She has a dog who is anti-social and is prone to threatening strangers. Thus, as I was warned beforehand, if my presence caused the dog to act up, the date would be short.

Quite a test, huh? The success of the date would depend on the reactions of an anti-social dog.

Well, when I got to her house and she opened the door, I could hear the dog barking from somewhere. When she let me in, she told me that the dog was locked up in her room upstairs, so that she could get me inside the door. I saw on the couch and she went upstairs to see how the dog would react to having a stranger in the house.

I heard the door opening upstairs, and then within a second the dog, a Benji-sized dog, flew down the stairs and headed straight toward me. He lunged up at me, landing on the couch, and-

He started licking my hand. Success. She was hurrying down the stairs, because the way he bolted made her think he was attacking me, but when she saw what was happening, she was astonished. She had never seen her dog treat a stranger with any sort of affection.

I took this as a clear signal that I was "in."

The rest of the date didn't go quite as well. Her lasagna didn't turn out well, so we ordered pizza instead- which honestly didn't bother me, but, as the person making the meal, it bothered her. Afterwards, we sat on the couch and talked in front of the television. Well, sort of. It wasn't much of a conversation, just general small-talk. We had much better conversations on our past two dates, and now I think the television was the problem on the third date. I think previously, whenever there was an akward silence, we had no other choice but to think of something to say, and that kept conversation going. On this date, though, it was too easy to look at the television whenever there was a lull. The dog also provided excuses not to talk, as he was competing for our attention, and it was easy to just pay attention to him. That the dog had decided that I was his buddy was the one positive thing of the night anyway.

Without being able to converse, I began to wonder about this chemistry thing, and maybe there was none, because of course there never is any with me, etc.

So eventually it became late enough that it was time for me to leave. I got to the door and asked for my coat. As she went to get it, her dog was sitting on the floor in front of me. I reached down to pet him.

And suddenly he lept and attacked. He clamped his teeth right into my thigh. I cowered back, and she ran to grab on his collar and restrain him. She asked me what I had done, and I explained that I just reached over to pet the dog. I reached over to pet affectionate, cuddly dog who had been my pal most of the night.

I got out of the house and as I staggered to my car, I started feeling the pain where the dog bit me. In my car, I examined the area, but I couldn't see any blood on my pants, so that was positive. Upon getting home, I got to look close up. He didn't clamp in quite enough to draw blood, but I had a nasty bump for quite a few days afterward.

And I haven't talked to my date since. She hasn't contacted me, I haven't contacted her. I've decided that if there is any clear sign from some greater source as to whether I should attempt to date her again, that sign has to be that her dog tried to kill me.

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