Daily Me
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Oh What a Night (?)

April 26, 2003 - 10:40 p.m.

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Last Five Entries:
The Party's Over
July 11, 2004
The Next Day
My Nervous Breakdown
True Confessions: My Life as a Female Impersonator
March 15, 2004
Bite Me
February 29, 2004



Tonight, I met the most fantastic woman, and we had the most fun that I've had in a long time! I never thought that, in this point in my life, it could happen to me. But it did, all I can think is, Wow!

I went to a party. I can be a real party-guy when I want to be. I hadn't been there but maybe fifteen minutes when I saw this gorgeous woman at the table getting punch. And I usually have trouble approaching women, but what the heck. So I walked over, and I didn't know what to say so I just said something stupid like, how's the punch. And she looked up and over to me, and our eyes met. I've never been a believer in love at first sight, but I felt something magic

*** Interruption from Daily Me's Conscience ***

This story is being interrupted because, well, it's a lie. Daily Me did not go out tonight. Daily Me hasn't gone out in months. He wouldn't even be aware that the sky is blue if there weren't pictures on the internet. He spends a lot of time not being social. Quite frankly, it's pathetic, and I can't blame his ego-ideal for making up some fanciful story about having fun.

Let's review the important statistics about Daily Me.

Last date with a woman: A year ago.

It was a first and last date between them.
They met through an internet personal ad.

Last sexual encounter with a woman: Three years ago.

It was part of a relationship that lasted too long, at one month.
They met through an internet personal ad.
The sexual encounter conincided with the onset of severe symptoms of uclerative colitis in Daily Me.

Last time in love: 11 years ago.

Last time love was reciprocated: 15 years ago.

Last kind word from a woman (in-person): Three months ago.

Last kind word from a single heterosexual woman: Unknown.

Last act of masturbation: 2 weeks ago.

It's usually not so long, but he's been under stress.

Last time cybersex served as a pathetic diversion from lack-of-intimacy issues: 2 days ago.

Note how the last two statistics compare.

His testosterone is requesting permission to move to a new home.

Hopefully, now that you know these facts, you can understand why he's lying his ass off to you, to vainly assert his manhood and impress you.

It may be best if you just nod and smile, and don't let on that you know he's full of it.

Now you are returned to his story.

*** End interruption ***
and my ass has been hurting ever since!

What a night! I'll never forget this one. Talk to you later.

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